I had a conversation with this guy at the gym yesterday, he was explaining that he just recently got divorced and he had two children with his ex-wife, he was giving me the standard “I’m so much happier now and life is so great” bullshit that we all give when we go through a break-up..But then he told me he was finally free to move out-of-state, like me he doesn’t like Montana, but unlike me I would NEVER leave without my kids. I can understand having to leave the state for work but returning as often as possible to be with your kids, but this guy was just getting away, starting fresh somewhere warm and hoping to get back into car racing or something stupid he was yapping about.
I’m really tired of dads not taking their responsibilities and duties seriously.
I can understand the difficulties that arise from getting divorced when you have children, it can be hard, and frustrating for everyone involved. Especially the children. As Father’s we are faced with two choices as I see it, we will either do everything we need to do to be there for our kids, to be the most important male influence they have and spend as much time as possible with them, because it is our job, our duty as their Father to be there. Or you can make the choice to leave, vanish, ignoring your responsibilities in favor of your own selfish needs.
So I am going to address “That Guy” the one that chooses himself over his children, the guy that just packs up and leaves, he walks away and wants nothing to do with his kids or their mother.
This type of “man” is NOT a man whatsoever..He is a Coward. And he is lazy and a selfish little boy who cares only about himself and cares nothing for those whom he has helped create, he should have a natural instinct to want to provide and protect his offspring. He is self-centered and narcissistic, which in my opinion makes him one of the most selfish humans on the planet.
He is a Quitter…A Deserter. And a Pathetic Weakling.
What is truly sad is That Guy will probably never understand what he willingly left behind, he may have rationalized it and somehow found justification for his actions. But he will never know the hundreds of Saturday mornings watching cartoons with his kids, hearing them laugh, making silly comments and being silly with your kid. He will miss all those amazing drawings that kids make for their parents, or that amazing feeling when your little one puts his hand in yours, looking for your guidance and your reassurance that everything will be okay, because you have him, and you will never let anything happen to him. That Guy will never realize that his selfish actions will cause him to miss telling bedtime stories, or making pancakes for breakfast that are hard as a rock but with enough syrup and laughter they are the most amazing pancakes ever.
And probably worst of all, That Guy will never realize that he abandoned a tiny person that would have looked up to him as his hero. That Guy will never know that he left behind a child who would have trusted him and loved him more than any other person reasonably should. And he will also never know that he left behind a child who would have done anything to be like him..To be like his Daddy.
That Guy will never understand or take responsibility for that giant hole he punched through his kid’s heart, a hole that can never be truly repaired. That Guy will never understand the anger and tears that his child will experience as he tries to make sense of what happened, how a Father could just “vanish”. And That Guy will never understand how much harder he just made his child’s life because of his absence.
So NO..Fathers like That Guy will never realize, understand or comprehend any of it..They can’t. A person can’t miss what they don’t know they never had.
Maybe I’m wrong for the way I feel on this subject, I know I haven’t been a perfect Father, I have made mistakes, I have said and done the wrong things at times, I could have made better choices and set better examples for my kids. But the one thing I did do right was to be there in their lives, to make being their Father my most important duty… Regardless of the relationship you have with your child’s mother there is NEVER any excuse for abandoning your child..NEVER!
So I will never have compassion or understanding for That Guy, in my best attempts at trying to fathom their decisions, I have only found anger and utter contempt.
So if you have children don’t ever be That Guy!