We Americans are a very generous people, we are always helping other people out when tragedy strikes, we help other countries out when they are faced with overwhelming hardships like Famine, Ebola, Tsunami’s …Hell, we even give money to countries that hate us and want to destroy our way of life.
But as a Nation, as a people we come together best when adversity strikes our own soil, like Terrorists Attacks on the Homeland, or Hurricanes in the Southern States, Fires, Floods, Stock Prices Crashing, Epic Unemployment, Mad Cows, SAR, Ebola, High Gas Prices, Twinkies, Obama, anyways you get it, we come together and help those who need a hand, we are suckers for a good cause.
This is why I am asking you to come together once again, this might be a cause everyone can relate too, and perhaps by reaching out now, and giving a helping hand you can get that special feeling deep inside you that “YES, I finally made a difference, I finally righted a wrong, and Yes..I am Awesome”
So, let me explain the tragedy at hand so you can understand what you’re dealing with, please read this carefully and with an open mind…Okay, So back in High School I played High School football, I loved the game, I was fairly decent at the position of Nose-Guard, and I really feel I could have gone on to play College ball and maybe even went Pro….That’s right I feel I was that good, but instead of being able to realizing this dream I went right into the Army after high school, so I never got a chance to live this dream of being a Professional Football Player.
So the way I look at it, I’m currently living well below the potential seven-figure salary I could have had if I had been able to achieve my dream, I probably would have been a key player and undoubtedly would have been part of several Superbowl Championship teams. So with that in mind, I probably would have had several lucrative endorsement deals..I can only imagine companies like Nike, Body Armor, Trojans, and Papa Murphy’s would have wanted me as a spokesperson, so honestly I would have been filthy rich, so YES …I truly am living well below the standards that I should be accustomed by now.
Okay, so here’s where YOU come in, I clearly “Peaked” in High School as far as my football career goes, but really I feel I deserve a second chance at living this dream of mine and you can help me achieve a second chance at having an “NFL’ers Lifestyle”…Hey, don’t we all deserve a second chance? And don’t you want to help Right a Wrong? Who knows I might have been YOUR favorite player if I had been able to go Pro..You could have been wearing my Jersey and buying my Sneakers…So really if you think about it YOU totally got robbed of this dream as well.
I did some research, and found out the “Average” NFL player makes about $27,080 a month, which is $902.75 a day…So what I’m asking for is that you come together as a community, as a Nation and Fund Me at $900.00 a day, Now this will by no means will totally make up for my lost opportunity and it is clearly just covering a minimum base NFL’ers salary but it’s a start.
Maybe you think $900 a day seems like a lot of money to be giving to some stranger just because he didn’t realize his dream of playing in the NFL, maybe some of you are saying crazy things like that’s your mortgage payment, or health insurance for your kids (No worries on that you can get Obamacare) and perhaps your being selfish right now and thinking I don’t deserve it….Really? I don’t deserve it?
Okay..Look let’s calm down, and talk like rational adults…Remember when you were in High School and you had dreams of playing in the big leagues whether it was Baseball, Hockey, Football, or Basketball. But because of circumstances beyond your control you weren’t able to realize your dream..Or maybe you just sucked..Well I didn’t dammit, I deserve this…YOU owe me!!
So if you do the right thing and fund me the $900 a month, you might be wondering how will you know that your money is actually helping me achieve my dream…Nobody likes to donate money and feel like it isn’t going where it should, so here’s what I will do.
Each month, those that donate to me will receive a complete financial report, it will include detailed information about any stocks, bonds, real estate and other investment holdings I will acquire, along with this report I will send you photo’s of the Hot Models I plan on dating (please include an extra $150 a month for nude photos of the models) and once a year I will hold a “Donor Retreat” where all the people who fund my “NFL’ers Lifestyle” will get together (travel and lodging not included) and I will sign autographs and you can get your picture taken with me. You will be able to hang that photo on your refrigerator to remind you of the worthwhile cause you are supporting…ME!
Please let’s come together America, let’s make my “NFL’ers Lifestyle” a Reality!!
To “Fund Me” just fill out the form below and send it to the email address
Thank You America !!
YES, I WANT TO HELP!
I would like to sponsor you and help you live the “NFL’ers Lifestyle” that you truly deserve.
Please charge the account listed below $900.00 per day until you have reached your goal and are comfortably living the lifestyle you deserve. Please send me a picture of the Model you are dating this month and Charge My Account the extra $150..Thank You
Your Name:____________________Telephone Number:___________________
Account Number:__________________ Exp.Date:_______
[ ] Master Card [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other
Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):
Account Number:_______________________ Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other
Email Go Fund Me Form too: Itsjustajokedummy@AOL.com