Welcome To Social Media…Suckers

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You wanna know what’s over-rated? Hair..Hair is over-rated, if you’re anything like me then you’re a Bald Bad-Ass. But since Hair and Baldness have nothing to do with today’s topic I won’t be addressing them anymore, Hell,I’m not even sure why I brought them up since it is a pretty sensitive subject for most men with that condition..You know Having Hair..Not everyone can be Bald Bad-Asses..Crap there I go again..Okay I am actually here to talk about Social Media instead.

I have spent the better part of the day trying to remember how I first got involved with this thing we call Social Media, even just thinking of the term makes me think of some weird late night infomercial..“Sweet Jimmney Christmas, its Social Media”… “Hey Here Comes Social Media”…Social Media And Erectile Dysfunction” and “Social Media: How You Can Use It To Waste 4-5 Hours Of Your Day” Okay, did that get your attention? Are you confused? …Me Too! Anyways if you take a look around you this morning, you will probably notice that your little world has a Computer in it…Which is good because computers play an important part of today’s topic. So let’s get started on this voyage into the Social Media World.

 

Myspace

This is where I got my feet wet, this was my first swim in the Social Media shark tank, it was the hip new way of connecting with people and sharing ideas, I was mostly on it in the beginning just to meet women. Now a days MySpace is cool sort of like wearing plaid pants with a striped shirt is cool, maybe you would be cool wearing that in the 70’s because everyone was doing it back then, but now not so much.  It’s kinda sad that MySpace is now considered the festering left earlobe of the Social Media world, no self-respecting teenagers would be seen on it. So if it’s uncool for teenagers then that’s a good gauge for its coolness for you.

Facebook

Thanks Zuckerberg, I owe it all to you for now being able to write silly statuses about Cats, letting people know I’m going to the gym, being able to post “selfies” of me in the gym and then making fun of people who aren’t in the gym. Better yet I also get to keep tabs on my friend’s lives via Facebook, I can give them a “Like” if they post something mildly entertaining or put up a picture of them looking their best. I can secretly laugh or “LOL” if they post something “Too” personal, perhaps something they should be talking to a Therapist about..But I will “Like” their comment anyways just to give the Social Media equivalent of a pat on the back, while I’m thinking you are a Dumbass.  And what better way of knowing if my “friends” are having relationship issues then the ever-changing “Relationship Status” and if people get too annoying I can always hit the “Unfriend” button and if shit hit the fan, I can go one step further, the proverbially  “Kiss of Death”  in the Social Media world… The dreaded “Block”

And to think all of this was made possible just because Zuckerberg was looking for a way to tell all his friends what he just had for lunch, and that it was both “Yummy” and had “Veggies” in it, which oddly enough is all I seem to see on my Facebook page, which coincidentally is called a “Feed”..Isn’t it a beautiful thing?

 

Twitter

I’m new to Twitter, never really got into it before, didn’t really care for the whole word limit thing, but since I started this insane blog thingy I got an account just to promote and pimp out my words..I still don’t like it, but I use it, pretty much the same way women have done to me over the years. So Twitter is kinda the newcomer to the Social Media world, much like the neighbor that moves in across the street and seems pretty nice but then immediately asks to borrow your lawnmower and ask’s for gas to run it as well. “What the heck? I don’t really know him that well yet” but you do it anyways because you’re a nice guy and the next thing you know your mailbox  has been knocked over and you think the new guy did it, but you can’t really prove, plus he hasn’t given you your lawnmower back yet either….Yeah, that is Twitter in my opinion. The one thing I know that Twitter started which seems out of hand is this whole #Hashtag nonsense… It’s like Twitter is so cool it changed the laws of the written language without telling anyone… Mainly me.

 

SnapChat

I am so new to this, I have a very dear friend who got me involved in this world, I really still don’t know the in’s and out’s that well… But if you have a 12 year old girl you are very aware of what SnapChat is. And if you don’t..OMG, LOL (insert duck lips photo here)   #omgdidyouknowhowuncoolyouare

There are, of course many other Social Media outlets that allow you to share with your friends the vast, uplifting world of cat photos. Honestly I did some research and there are so many different sites out there that I had no clue existed, Hell there is a site called Rashtag which is devoted to exclusively describing your current skin condition…weirdo’s

Well there you have it folks, my guide to Social Media in a nutshell..Yes, I left out all the lesser known sites, they are like Ginger’s we don’t really count them (Kidding Gingers..You Count!) Now you will have to excuse me I need to go wax my head.

#Baldisbeautiful #Baldpeopleareawesome #Hashtagsaredumb

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