So…You Wanna Play With Me?




So..You Wanna Play With Me?


I am always seeing these Facebook quizzes everyone likes to take, they get to pretend for a second that in medieval times they would be a mighty and noble knight coming to save the fair maiden from the evils of the world. When in reality they would probably have been a sheep farmer and died of dysentery at an early age…But that doesn’t sound as cool.

And that brings me to tonight, a Saturday night, I’m not out partying or whatever it is I would be doing if I enjoyed partying and that nonsense, so instead I’m at home and I decided to take a quiz on Facebook. Turns out I am a Princess, Who knew…anyways that gave me the idea to have some fun and make my own role-playing game/geek out/waste of time game.

Okay enough gibberish let’s get this party started..


Okay so for this game you need to pick a “Character” that you would want to be in this role-playing game, I have gone ahead and leveled the playing field somewhat, everyone who plays this game needs to look in the mirror, whatever you see that’s the ethnic background of your character and the physical attributes that you have right now is what you have in this game. If your 200 pounds overweight, or 50 pounds underweight, if your tall, short, big beer gut or a six-pack for abs then that’s what you’re taking into this game.(Okay,so YES this game is sort of fitness motivational blah.. blah ..blah game, But hey, It’s my game if you don’t want to play go sit in the corner and watch) Okay,so whatever you look like now that’s your starting level for this game, No cheating, don’t pretend you’re a “Channing Tatum” when you’re actually more a “Jonah Hill” (Can you tell I watched 22 Jump Street today)


Okay let me give you an example. If you chose to be an “Ogre” character (really tall and a bit overweight) it’s going to be more work for you to become a really good “Super Ninja Assassin” (Parkour and free running capable) but if you’re willing to bust your ass and put the time in, well anything is possible right? Maybe you’re more an “Elf” (very thin and petite) and you want to be a super kick-ass “Iron Warrior”. Well, you’re going to need to spend months and months eating insane amounts of calories and lifting some heavy iron to get the results you need. But hey, anything is possible.


So does this make sense so far? Okay Good. Then let’s check out the types of Characters we have in this game…


Iron Warrior

This Bad-Ass is incredibly strong and powerful, he throws the weights around like they are nothing.

So it’s good that the Iron Warrior can lift weights like it’s nothing because that is his job. If you ever see them in battle, the Iron Warriors are the first to get there, they take pride in defending their comrades while attacking the enemy. They are strong as an ox, Iron Warriors are constantly trying to push themselves to be bigger, better, and stronger. Eating and Lifting are the only two things Iron Warriors worry about. Trust me you do NOT want to go punch for punch with an Iron Warrior..You will get destroyed!!

Primary Attributes: Strength, Power

Training: Pure strength-building weight training

Real World Example: Any World’s Strongest Man Competitor


Cheetah Scouts

Cheetah Scouts can travel great distances in a short amount of time..

They are built for distance and efficiency rather than strength and power, these guys can outlast any animal on the planet. They eat a special diet which is higher in carbs than most (but they can still be healthy carbs) to give them the fuel they need to survive these insane cross-country treks, and their muscles are designed to last for hours rather than minutes or seconds (like the Iron Warriors) A growing contingent of Cheetah Scouts have moved to bare foot running, returning to their ancient roots.

Primary Attributes: Stamina, Endurance

Training: Lots of distance running, long bike rides, high volume exercises with any sort of weight training

Real World Example: Marathon runners, Ironman athletes


Box Rangers

 Box Rangers are a hybrid of Iron Warriors and Cheetah Scouts, built for strength and endurance…

A multi-purpose jack of all trades but master of none, Box Rangers are well-equipped for any situation. Their weight training revolves around varying the reps, sets and downtime to continually force their bodies to adapt to new situations. Usually Box Rangers follow a Paleo Diet, eating things that can only be found in nature. Thanks to this type of training and diet.  Box Rangers have incredibly low body-fat percentages.

Primary Attributes: Functional strength, adaptability

Training: Lots of weight training but with minimal downtime (think crossfit and 300 training)

Real World Example: Gerard Butler in 300 (This is SPARTA!!)


Super Ninja Assassin

To the Super Ninja Assassins the world is one giant playground…

In their world every building can be climbed, every gap can be jumped, every obstacle can be conquered. Super Ninja Assassins spend most of their time training with functional body weight exercises as that’s usually the only thing they need to lift.

They are fearless, calculated and efficient. Super Ninja Assassins have low body fat percentages because extra weight could mean the difference between life and death on a mission. They have solid endurance as well, allowing them to progress through an obstacle-filled environment without breaking a sweat.

Primary Attributes: Agility, stamina

Training: Parkour, free running, rock climbing

Real World Example: Parkour traceurs, free runners, most athletes on Ninja Warrior


Golden Monk

This isn’t the type of monk you would want to run into on a bad day…

The Golden Monks can kick your ass with their fists and feet, and they will do it before you even know what happened. Incredibly agile, lighting fast, and loaded with power. Golden Monks specialize in martial arts to stay in shape and destroy the enemy.

Their training is mostly spent in dojos and in the ring, with some weight training thrown in to help produce stronger punches and kicks. Golden Monks only carry enough weight and muscle to provide maximum efficiency with each attack. Their muscles are compact and powerful, core strength is high and speed is favored over size.

Primary Attributes: Agility, power

Training: MMA, Capoeira, Muay Thai boxing, Tai Kwon Do

Real World Example: Georges St. Pierre (MMA fighter)


 Green Druids

The Green Druids are one with nature…

Often they only consume a plant-based diet, they specialize in being one with themselves, finding balance in everything. These peaceful folk spend a majority of their time training in the arts of Yoga, Meditation and Tai Chi.  Strength training is only done if necessary, as most Green Druids aren’t interested in massive muscles or explosive power. Green Druids also follow a minimalist diet, high in vegetables, fruits and nuts. Some eat meat, but only enough to get sufficient protein. Processed foods are the enemy for them.

Primary Attributes: Agility, flexibility

Training: Meditation, yoga, tai chi

Real World Example: Yogis or Tai Chi Instructors


So…would you like to hear what Character I picked to be for this game? Of course you would..


I am a Berserker

I was born a Giant Super Elf (tall, thin, striated muscles) and I wanted to become an Iron Warrior/Box Ranger hybrid…the Berserker (Yes, I know I didn’t give this as an option but it’s my game so I do what I want)

I’m generally a pretty happy, calm, somewhat handsome guy. But when I’m in training mode I turn into Berserker Mode. I start foaming at the mouth, I walk around with this crazy look in my eye, and I push myself hard… Harder than I ever thought possible.

I like to focus on free weights, like Curls, Squats, Deadlifts, and Bench Presses anything and everything to build this Beast. I go for maximum muscle size and low endurance…I’m not gonna outrun anything but I will stand there and put up one heck of a fight.

My Warrior animal that I bring into battle is my trusty Cat, she hopes I die in battle so I live just to disappoint her…. It is a special bond we share.

And as a Berserker the key to my success is “Naps.”… Power Naps are a beautiful thing.

Okay enough about me…What about YOU, what Character would you like to be?

I gave you six options just to keep the game simple, feel free to combine two class types like I did if you want. And just so we are clear, all the class types are gender-neutral, so you can be a female Iron Warrior or a male Green Druid. There are no restrictions in this game.

Once you have your Character selected, feel free to turn this game into reality, why can’t you become a Box Ranger in real life? Yeah that’s right no reason at all, so have some fun and be Awesome in your life!!

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