Chocolate Caramel Eggs…





So I was going through some boxes in my garage and I came across some old Easter candy, there were a handful of chocolate eggs, which according to the wrapper contain the sweet, sweet nectar known as caramel. They look like they are from an Easter which happened somewhere between five and ten years ago. Not sure why or how they survived this long, having been subjected to the extreme temperature changes that take place in a garage in Montana.


So just for my own personal amusement and just to mix things up a bit I thought I would share my thoughts on what I could do with these ancient chocolate eggs filled with devilishly delicious caramel filling.


~I could gentle place these Chocolate Caramel Eggs into a bald eagle’s nest and watch in amusement as the eagle becomes ashamed of its unmotivated offspring.


~I could remove the foil wrappers and use them to improve the reception on your grandpa’s vintage Zenith television… And toss the Chocolate Caramel Eggs into the trash.


~I could carefully drill holes through the Chocolate shells, suck out the caramel, refill the eggs with an actual egg yolk and egg whites, re-wrap them in the aluminum foil and re-gift them to my annoying neighbor’s kids.


~I could melt them down and re-cast them into sperm shapes and sell them to a bachelorette party.


~I could put them into a donation basket at a church, I would include colorful plastic grass and jelly beans.


~I could feed them to a snake and laugh at the snake’s discomfort.


~I could crack the Chocolate Caramel Eggs over a random drunk person who is passed out in the park and watch as red ants swarm over him as I sit in my car laughing maniacally.


~I could stuff two Chocolate Caramel Eggs into my speedo while hangout at the pool,  impressing women until eventually they become disgusted as melted Chocolate and Caramel drips down my leg.


~I could unwrap the Chocolate Caramel Eggs and go to the library, leaving them in random chairs and then wait for someone to sit in them… then I will yell loudly “He shit his pants” then I will leave the library.


~I can cover the Chocolate Caramel Eggs in batter, fry them on a stick and serve them as a healthy alternative to corn dogs at the local carnival.


~I can melt the Chocolate Caramel Eggs down and re-cast them into a six-inch collectible figurine of Tom Brady..$400 on Ebay


~I can hollow one out and leave it on your doorstep as a receptacle for the spare house key. Burglars will look under your doormat, find nothing and leave OR they will devour the Chocolate Caramel Egg and choke on the key, either way you should thank me.


Thanks for wasting a few moments of your precious life with me …Have a Kick Ass Day!

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